Archive for the ‘Beer Pong’ Category

Tossed From A Bar

This weekend New York got a rare celebrity visit as Brandon arrived to see a Mets game in the marked-for-death Shea Stadium. He originally planned to meet me in Union Square right after work but inbound traffic was crazy and his bus didn’t get in until almost 2 hours later than expected.

So Brandon discovered his way towards my apartment in the Upper East Side at around 7:30 and we immediately trekked back outside (in leftover drizziling rain) in search of food. We found a nearby bar/restaurant that actually turned out some excellent burgers, but was so loud we had to lean in really close just to hear each other (and kiss, of course!). After two or three beers each we decided we needed to find an actual bar … one that would include the mighty game of beer pong!

Luckily, this was the plan the entire time and I had the address of a place about 10 blocks away from the restaurant that hosted this sport of kings. Brandon and I arrived at this new place to find 6 beer pong tables and a room more empty than it was full of patrons. But, we dared to test our Virginia-honed mettle against these New Englander’s best. … And we lost our first two games! Ah well, it’s been a couple years since we were in our prime.

Anyway, as the time went by the place started to fill with pongers and we met and played against a few cool people. At one point I whipped out the end of my belt in a phallic distraction (which worked!). Sure, it was weird. But it wasn’t as weird as when, a few moments later, I got a group of guys to all do it in a circle. What can I say … I was pretty trashed.

I’ll skip the countless games we played as they were all pretty much the same (plus I can’t remember them). But at one point Brandon and I were off the table dancing to the crazy 80’s music, waiting for our next turn. All of a sudden a gentleman who we had played before came out of nowhere and had me held up against the wall, his hands around my neck. He screamed “if you touch my girlfriend again I’ll kill you.” He wasn’t hurting me at all, though, and it seemed so surreal I almost laughed thinking it was a joke. But this guy was not joking!

A kind bouncer decided to jump in and ask what was going on. I just stood silent not knowing what the answer was, myself. My attacker said I had touched his girlfriend’s ass. Seeing as there were multiple people between me and her I have no clue how this happened. Plus I didn’t do it. I recall several people saying I had nothing to do with it but the bouncer chose to believe this crazed guy and even said he could take a swing at me for free!

Brandon jumped in front of me and said that wasn’t going down (I always thought bouncers were supposed to end things not escalate them …) and we both immediately got tossed. The fun bouncer pushing me out by the neck the whole way kept saying how I thought I could go around touching whoever I wanted “because I was white.” I failed to see the connection and felt it best to just quietly exit and Brandon and I went on our merry way.

It was probably for the best we left when we did as we were both wrecked the next day and we still had that Mets game to go see. We toughed it out (though, one of us had to excuse himself to my bathroom at one point!!!) and actually had a great time at Shea with Brendan (Brandon’s friend who joined us). But every time we would tell the story or review the facts regarding the previous night’s incident I would find it harder and harder to hold onto the memories. The whole situation was just so surreal it started to feel like a movie I had watched a long time ago instead of something I had lived through. But, perhaps is just the price we pay for being with beer pong: a fickle mistress!

And as a final conclusion to the story, I felt immensely better as we watched some girl have an even worse weekend later that night. Yes, Brandon and I got to watch (and photograph) some girl get arrested after vandalizing a taxi right at my intersection! Huzzah!

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  • Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 at 01:45 | #1

    Let me see if I can fill in a few holes in this story since Stan’s memory of the night seems a bit…hazy.

    The gentleman that ended up (what looked like) choking our beloved blogger was wearing a shirt, tie, and slacks. He stuck out a bit in this semi-dive bar filled with mostly jeans, t-shirts, and polo shirts. He looked more like the clubbing type than the beer pong type. Let’s call him “Tie-man”.

    There were two encounters between Stanus and Tie-man that I witnessed that pissed this guy off. First, he was beating us on the table and used the non-Stanus approved bounce-shot that counts for two cups instead of one. Now for anyone that has played Stan in beer pong, there is about a ten minute conversation before the game starts to discuss rules, and this game was no different. We had already agreed to rules that differed from the ones posted on the wall. Bouncing may not have been discussed and when there was some debate between Stan and Tie-man, I checked the wall to find it was a bar-approved rule. Shortly thereafter we were defeated and Stan refused to shake Tie-man’s hand. This is when I knew sir Stanus had crossed well over the sober line.

    Incident number two occurred as Tie-man and his girlfriend were starting a new game of pong. Stanus did not know this (I think he was at the bathroom), but Tie-man had given us two beers at the start of our game because he was the challenger (something which had not happened earlier in the evening). So when Tie-man started his next game against new challengers, he told them they had to buy him beer. The challenger didn’t want to do this so Tie-man turned to Stanus to confirm to his new challengers that he had bought beers for us. Stan told Tie-man and his challenger that he never bought us beer. This was visibly pissing the guy off especially after their earlier exchange. After a bit of back and forth I told Stanus and Tie-man that Stan was in the bathroom at the time, but he did indeed buy us two beers. End of story I thought.

    Besides the Tie-man, everyone we met was pretty awesome and I was having a great time (I was actually into some of the 80’s music being mixed by the live DJ). All I can guess is Tie-man was more pissed off at Stan than we had realized and as Tie-man drank more beer (and maybe took other substances?) he decided to do what any sane person would do…choke himself a redhead!

  • Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 at 09:50 | #2

    Holy Dohfight! I’ve been thrown out of a bar. And by bar, I mean strip club (although I was at the bar when I was thrown out.) I still have no idea why. My guess is because I reached for someone else’s Corona? But it’s very hazy. I definitely didn’t get into a fight or try to grab a stripper as I wasn’t near then at the time. Weird…

  • Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 at 09:59 | #3

    I remember everything Brandon says except for telling Tie-Man he didn’t buy us beers. At that point my brain had retired for the night. However, I do recall about 30-seconds after not shaking his hand (I hate it when people cheat) I actually did and told him I was just pissed off from losing. Oh well, what a stupid night.

Balls of Fury

My office received a ping pong table for Christmas 2006. With a full 12 months now of ponging under our belts, several of us have become very competitive and obsessed with playing it everyday. And, since I am one of those chosen few, it will probably not surprise you to know stats-keeping has started to creep into play.

Luckily, those of you who remember the Beer Pong stats adventure can settle down (and for those of you who don’t know I took crazy stats: about 11 different things were tracked per game). I’m only recording who played, the scores, and which side of the ping pong table they played on (as one side has a significant space advantage). Don’t worry … I still manage to go nuts with just those three pieces of information. Check out the work in progress, Ping Pong Database.

And I’d be scared if I were you … we’re supposed to be getting a fuseball foosball table pretty soon for this most recent Christmas.

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The Backburner (Part 1)

As a creative guy, I’ll let you in on a secret: being creative is both a curse and a blessing. My imagination has helped in a lot of my schoolwork and it’s absolutely essential for my musical aspirations. I’m also never bored unless I’m in a setting where I’m expected to not be creative.

However, when I go too long without putting time into any of my numerous projects I get really frustrated and can be an absolute nightmare to be around. Also, with my unending well of creativity, I tend to continue to see different ways to approach a goal, adding more and more obstacles for me to overcome. One of my biggest enemies is my out of control scope-creep. What I mean is, I’m an amazing, inspired starter who usually adds so much to an idea that I can never finish them.

Over the years many of my friends have poked fun at my projects – especially the fact that I never seem to make any real progress with them. This, coupled with my current time-management woes, had me thinking: I wanted to make a list of all the huge, creative projects (anything I’ve been working on for more than a year) to update everyone on my insanity. I also figured this type of real research into my progress might be a good kick in the pants.

Well, in typical fashion, I thought this would only take me a day or two to compile, but it’s taken over a week so far. So, I’m splitting this blog up into several posts to 1) take the immense pressure I put upon myself as the only person in my blogging community who writes anymore and 2) to actually get this thing published. For each entry I will document how close I think I am to being done, when I began the project, any other dates I’ve picked it up along the way, it’s status, and when I think I’ll finally be done with it (ETA).

Beer Pong Video Game
Progress: 10%
Initial Start: Spring 2004
Second Start: Spring 2006
Status: Intense Hiatus
ETA: 20xx (Mega Man 2 style)

None of my projects have received more jokes than the beer pong video game. When I moved into Sunchase apartment 736 I my senior year of college, my roommates and I took beer pong very seriously: We played 139 straight nights. We kept track of all-time scores on a dry erase board. We even made a commemorative t-shirt on the 100th night. During my super-senior year, my friends and I only got more hardcore into this sport of kings. I started to keep statistics, much like other sports – for example how many air balls, lucky bounces, and blocks a person would get in a game.

When I graduated in December of 2003, I still had six months on my college apartment lease so I had a lot of free time (I barely worked). Armed with this boredom, I started to devise the greatest video game of all time: a simulation of my beer pong experience at JMU (programmed in visual basic)! You could play as any of the characters that had walked through those hallowed doors and, based on their playing statistics that I kept, you would play just like that person. I even thought about implementing a feature that would throw the ball from that person’s specific height. I started to collect some previews of the game on a website, though that fizzled extremely fast.

It was a grand idea, but one that ultimately died at the hands of projectile physics. When I got to the actual programming of the movement of the ball – gravity, parabolas, bouncing off objects – the math overwhelmed me and I retreated to the safe and inviting arms of Brandon Jones.

Since I put down the project in the summer of 2004, the beer pong video game has popped up a few times. In the spring of 2006, I started to log beer pong stats at the Pink Sock (my apartment in Arlington, VA). I even started to create game-design spreadsheets and the flow chart of game logic. But I still haven’t found a good and easy programming language to work in. I’m looking for something that can handle projectile physics without having to rely on my poor math skills, yet also not have a huge learning curve to program in.

I’ve put too much time into this project already and still have too much interest in it to let it die. This thing will be created … eventually. Jokes withstanding!

Watchmen: A Dissection
Progress: 3%
Initial Start: Spring 2004
Second Start: Spring 2006
Status: Uninterrupted Hiatus
ETA: 2012

Created between 1986 and 1987, Watchmen is perhaps the greatest comic ever produced. It definitely is my favorite and I’ve wanted to create a site that would analyze every panel of every page. There are so many allusions, flashbacks, foreshadowing, and clues hidden in each one that I’m still not sure I’ve discovered everything. But, I’d like to give it the ol’ stanus.butt try.

I originally conceived this idea during my “lost semester” at college in the spring of 2004 and started a website that would collect all of the information. I didn’t get very far as some other projects *cou(beer pong game)gh* quickly swept it into the dusty backburner parts of my brain. Still, I’d like to eventually study the whole comic (something like 400 pages). Since Watchmen only comes off the shelf about once every two years, however, I don’t see this happening anytime really soon.

Bond on Bond
Progress: 15%
Initial Start: Winter 2000
Status: Years-Long Hiatus
ETA: 2011 or Never … could go either way

Having seen all James Bond movies at least thrice – with the exception of Casino Royale – and upon completion of reading every Ian Fleming novel it’s safe to say I’m a rabid Bond fan. The obsession has been with me since childhood, so I’ve been meaning to create some sort of Bond database for some time. This idea actually preceeded my Seinfeld, Seinsmelled section and I created a start up site here (warning, it’s godawful). Eventually, I’d like to do something a little more subjective and less fan-fictiony (I still can’t believe I took that route for some areas) – incorporating the books and possibly other media, as well.

Unfortunately, there are already some great Bond sites out there already and my motivation wanes with each passing year. Still, I might need some help in getting through every single feature loaded on to the 2-disc special edition DVD of each movie (and, yes, I plan to get them someday). This might just fit in nicely with those plans. Ah, synergy!

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  • Brent
    Thursday, September 6th, 2007 at 18:21 | #1


    I for one applaud your ludicrous undertakings. I know you’ve started over from scratch with new hardware on the all-time basketball match-up, but what happened to the web page for it? I want to see stats and updates.

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Lucky Weekend

For some reason this blog is hard to get out. Not that it’s revealing or emotional, I’ve just lost the spark to write about it. But, I’ll try to whip through it quickly enough and move on to the next, and highly anticiapted (by me, anyway) blog. Trust me. All those that have been following [stanus.butt] for any length of time will get a kick out of it!

Over the weekend I had to travel back to the Northern Virginia area for a family gathering. Seeing as I didn’t really plan for this until two days before I would leave, I’m surprised with how lucky my fortune was throughout the trip.

First of all, I timed my departure almost absolutely perfectly. Now, this was nothing more than an arbitrary decision to leave work at a specific time, but I walked into Penn Station with about 10 minutes of waiting before my train left. After an uneventful trip south, I arrived at Union Station in Washington, DC at around 10:30. 9 metro stops later on the orange line I was at the East Falls Church stop – the closest one to Stever‘s pad. I gave him a call and he said he was on his way to come pick me up, so I took a seat on the curb in the parking lot to wait for him.

Two shadowy figures, walking together, started to approach the metro. This is hardly out of the ordinary since I was near the entrance to a metro stop at 11pm on a Friday night. What was weird, was that I recognized one of the walk of one of the silhouette’s. Yes, ladies and gentleman, one of the figures approaching me was none other than high school heartthrob, Josh Bowman! And his escort was the legendary Jeremy Skog! I quickly alerted the two to my presence:

Me (seductively): “You gentlemen looking for a party?”

As luck would have it, two old friends from high school were at the very same metro stop I was at waiting for my brother. So, the four of us changed plans a bit and went into Georgetown to drink. Good times. Made even funnier by the fact I had found a cell phone on my train. Bowman had immense joy in piecing together the owner’s lurid life via pics and txt messages. Stever assisted! They made a cute couple.

The next day Stever and I travelled northward into Maryland for a Mills-family gathering. It was good to see so many people I hadn’t seen in a while and to celebrate my grandparents’ 61st anniversary (my god that’s a long time). Mills celebrity, Zack “Penn State” Mills, even revealed to me he is becoming a bigger fan of the NBA than the NFL. He also casually mentioned how he couldn’t watch NCAA basketball anymore. It was then that I realized we were related!

After a humiliating loss in tennis to Steve “I Don’t Want To Play Anymore” Syckes, it was a double-date of sorts as I finally met the current Mrs. Stever for drinks. We checked out the ever-boring Whitlow’s in Arlington while waiting for Mssr. Killiam – who has arrived back in the states for a 3-week vacation. Unfortunately, Whitlow’s as an establishment either does not recognize the nation status of France or does not recognize Richard’s celebrity status from his hit tv show, Charles in Charge, as he wasn’t allowed in with his French ID.

Hilarity and (sexual) confusion ensued when we all arrived back at Casa de Stever and watched Wilt Chamberlain go for 100 points portray Bombaata in Conan the Destroyer. I ruled the beer pong table, per usual (!), and then crashed at my mom’s – where an annoyed Mila the cat remembered me in her usual fare (re: meowing loudly and then hiding under a chair).

Sunday was a pretty normal Sunday-in-Nova where Mom, Cassie, Steve and I had a late lunch at the Olive Garden and then I made my way to Union Station. Again, as luck would have it they were just closing the gate to my train as I arrived. The station guard was even officially connecting the rope fence to stop anyone else from coming through, but let me in (and also gave me an encouraging “run!”). I actually jumped on the train as it began to move (very James Bondish, I must say) and proceeded to catch up on my video game reading.

It was a fun weekend, but these trips down to Virginia are really starting to take a toll. I feel like I’m just running around the whole time and never get anything truly accomplished. These next two weekends will be nothing but musical endeavors as my huge monitor has finally arrived. Recording: here I come!

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Death of a Cell Phone

Last Wednesday, my new cellphone arrived: a Sony Ericsson W300i (I’m sure that collection of letters and numbers is important to someone). It’s way nicer than my old piece of shit phone with features such as camera, video camera, mp3 player and voice recognition. Though I can’t wait to see what crazy adventures will be captured using this device (I hate carrying around my nice camera for day to day stuff), as promised, here is a tribute to the two years I spent with my very first cell phone.

My best not-having-a-cell-phone story – I was borrowing my mom’s old (we’re talking 5-6 years old at this point) cell phone on drives to and from work. Though it was nice to have in a pinch (say, calling for a ride after a brake pad in the GITRMEN broke, sending me flying down a hill with no way to stop), I couldn’t record phone numbers in it. Here’s me wasting an hour or two in someone’s parking lot since I didn’t know their number. I still managed to have an incredible story, however.

First blog in a post-cell phone world – I was so eager to have my phone I drove immediately to the UPS warehouse the same day getting their “we missed you” notice. Upon my first week I began to realize my cell noob ways – missing exits while on the phone in the car, spending hours on the Cingular website hunting for the perfect ringtone, and just constantly being in the middle of conversations like a school girl.

Consequences of a Dirk-ish phone number – During my initial phone call to set up my account with Cingular, I had the representative give a list of some 703 numbers that were available. When he read off one ending in 41 (Dirk Nowitzki’s jersey number in case you’re from outer space), I immediately chose it. Unfortunately, it turns out this used to be the number for a quarry and I would continue to receive orders for different types of materials for the next year and a half.

Playing beer pong in a power outage with cell phone lights – On St. Patrick’s day of 2006, Toine, Brandon, Steve and I went to a party hosted by some of Steve’s old college bandmates (fun note: We were told it was green themed, yet were the only ones who showed up wearing the color). We set up a beer pong table upstairs and right before the first game experienced a complete black out. Though it lasted for about an hour, we continued to play by the lights of our cell phones!

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Death of an Editor

For my birthday, Cassie got me a lot of songwriting books to inspire me during my adventure in New York and – just as I used to do with Skittles – I am digesting them in order of least-interesting to most-interesting. Anyway, I’m about halfway through the first book, “The Soul of a Writer,” which is little more than interviews with 15 country writers. Although only about 15% of their answers are interesting, I did enjoy a lot of what was said during a chapter called “the Editor’s Voice.”

The editor’s voice is the little man in your head that critiques and criticizes all of your creative thoughts and output throughout the entire songwriting process. He shows up unannounced and yells things like “that chorus is lazy” or “those lyrics are too forced” or “this just sounds shitty.” It happens to all writers and a lot of the chapter that dealt with editor voices was techniques and tricks to distract him. Well, my voice has always been particularly loud and I am now beginning to follow some exercises to quiet the motherfucker down. One of the contributors to “The Soul of a Writer” said to create a fairly regular writing period in your week and make its one rule to never delete anything written in it. I have chosen my blog … and, hopefully, this will be your gain as I will begin to get better and better at removing all the safety nets here (This is tougher than it sounds … and I’m sure results will start off pretty similar at first).

Well, now that I can speak freely, two other similar moments come to mind when I think about myself and my current situation. In the beginning of the summer of 2003 I joined a cult organization that taught me to be a door to door salesman and we were sent to Ohio to earn our money. I arrived in the metropolis that was North Canton with two roommates (I use the term in the loosest sense … as you will discover in a few sentences) with $15 in my pocket and none in the bank due to late semester spending. Our organization was very strict in its teaching: they said they had prepared us for anything and literally dropped us off in the buckeye state all by ourselves – our first mission was to find a place to live. I spent my last $15 for my share of a motel room for the first night, and it was such a strange thing to wake up the next morning realizing I had to find some place to sleep in 12-16 hours … or else!

The second time I was in a similar situation was during my own version of the Lost Weekend I graduated from JMU in December of 2003, but had a lease that ran through July of 2004. Since I would have to pay for this apartment in any case, I decided to be a bum and live for a school-free semester in Harrisonburg. I did a little freelance web design for some money, but most of my time was spent in the pursuit of the Platonic Form of beer pong. The last month, as I was so busy getting my things packed and figuring out my next plans, the rent slipped my mind. I hadn’t budgeted very well and suddenly found myself with only a quarter of the funds necessary for a full month’s payment of bills.

Which brings me to where I am currently in my life. Broke … again! About one week ago I took a peak at my bank account only to discover that my vaunted New York savings had dwindled down to … $8! I had managed to be a bum and not work for the past two months so I started to get a little bit of that panic feeling once again. I owe rent here and just living in this area ain’t cheap!

I have many shortcomings that I’m aware of. I assume a lot. I’m hit or miss with small talk. I don’t prepare well. I also haven’t been tested many times in my life so far … but when I have, I think I do my best work under pressure. In Ohio, I found a real estate agent at 11pm who let my roommates and I sleep in his abandoned house he was showing to people the next day. My roomate found a huge, cheap frat house to sublet the following day. In 2004, I hocked my huge Fender amp to pay my bills, and then somehow fell ass-backwards into the money that was needed to get it back later that day (clues: it had something to do with 7-11 and I didn’t rob it or anything like that. That’s all you get, though).

I never truly get to see how well I can hustle good fortune until I’m surrounded by despair. Time to go work some of that mojo again!



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  • Monday, November 13th, 2006 at 14:05 | #1

    love that euroblog

  • euroblog lover
    Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 at 14:05 | #2

    i second that

  • Euroblog lover Part Deux
    Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 at 14:05 | #3

    HA! Third that!

quest for MVP of the Party – a chess match of death!

Yes, still more back issue cleaning! Here’s the last hurrah of the late, great Pink Sock. For another take on this night, read SteverOnline 6/25/2006.

Last Friday was spent saying goodbye to a very near and dear friend – my apartment, the Pink Sock. Though this coming Friday marks the official day I will be moving out (or “visiting my brother” if you’re my boss at work a couple of weeks ago and accepted my time off request as I hadn’t revealed my plot to leave at that point) … I’m ending that sentence early, since, truth be told, I will be visiting el Stever, since he does technically live with my mom, whom I’m moving in with. Ok, going to pick up that fragment sentence in 3… 2… 1… my roommate, Brandon, was moving his stuff out (re: all the furniture in the living room) the next day so it was about to become a very different, and spacious, place.

To celebrate the final day of normalcy in the apartment, I wanted to have a grand “Pink Sock event” as Toine calls them (and I do mean calls them, since he has phoned me almost weekly about having them for the past two months). I sent out an evite (my first one!) to a select few individuals on Monday and extended a secret invitation to a special person – Nathaniel the Gray! I wanted to have him show up as a surprise since he is Brandon’s life partner but the proverbial beans were pretty much spilled throughout the week. What can I say? I can’t hold out to Brandon’s sexy torture!

I was busy with a lot of other things for the rest of the week and planned to do most of my setting up and preparation for the shindig Thursday night and Friday afternoon. However, coworker Larry Chavez’ birthday celebration threw a bit of a wrench into my plans. After work on Thursday I went to a get together at the nearby Chadwick’s which took up most of the night and Friday, the wings from Chadwick’s got me so sick I spent most of the day hurling or sleeping. Luckily, Steve and Nate dropped by a little earlier than expected and helped me clean the Sock, and steal a large slab of wood from the dungeon laundry room/basement for use as a second beer pong table.

I will now detail the events of the party by comparing the scores of the three nominees for MVP of the Night. At the end I will reveal the winner!

Brandon finally arrives home to his surprise guest and immediately begins to spray. We all eat dinner and watch the Orioles game, while waiting for the guests to arrive. Toine has called and says he will arrive at 7:30.

Nate Consumes two disgusting famous bowls from KFC (5 pts)
Steve Consumes chicken nuggets (1 pt for lack of creativity)
Toine Whereabouts: unknown (0 pts)

As the starting bell to the party sounds, Brandon dons his Cheerwine t-shirt and I throw on my new (and erotically celebratory) pink t-shirt.

Nate Remains relatively sedate (0 pts)
Steve Starts in with the Toine comments (1 pt for lack of creativity)
Toine Arrives half an hour late wearing a) unbuttoned shirt and b) no underwear (20 pts)

Brittany (Nate’s roommate) and Clint (biggest Mavs-naysayer) arrive from Harrisonburg. Brandon entertains crowd with chinflap swaying to the rhythm of Guitar Hero.

Nate Still fairly quiet (0 pts)
Steve Demands to start beer ponging (5 pts)
Toine Still unbuttoned (5 pts)

Other guests have arrived including Allison Reip (I don’t know why I link to her blog anymore since it’s never updated), her fiance Greg, and fellow 736 I-er Andrew Edwards. One-on-one beer pong starts in the beer pong room and, yes, stats are taken!

Nate Starts with the hot hand on the table and wins 3 in a row (10 pts)
Steve Spectacularly loses first game, but continues to demand playing time (5 pts for effort)
Toine Embarrassed by more people arriving, buttons shirt (0 pts)

Brrnt finally makes an appearance, as does Kevin Frey (Brandon’s TransEffect better half). The second beer pong table is set up in the living room and doubles games begin!

Nate Undeterred by his loss on the singles table, starts an insane streak on the doubles table with partner Ethan (20 pts)
Steve Continues “losing” streak on beer pong tables/”winning” streak at drinking everything in sight (10 pts)
Toine Activity unknown as I was in the other room taking stats, but this doesn’t bode well for him (0 pts)

10:00 – 11:00pm
David Hechtman arrives, complete with “Witout ME it’s just AWESO” t-shirt and comments about dropping his Wall Street Journal subscription for the print version of Dohblog. Party officially enters “drunk stage.” Team Pink Sock consisting of Brandon and I finally wrest control of the beer pong table from Nate and Ethan.

Nate Hits Toine in the crotch multiple times (5 pts)
Steve Refers to Hechtman as “Bowman” for rest of the night. Begins to preside over party [and by that I mean be extremely drunk] (20 pts)
Toine With each shot in the crotch by Nate, turns bright red in the face and lays on the floor silently for an awkward 5-10 minutes, then gets up perfectly fine (15 pts)

11:00pm – 12:00am
Cassie arrives with two friends in tow from a late night event. They leave pretty quickly because everyone is already in that polarizing mode that cannot be tolerated if sober, but beloved if drunk. Cassie changes into Goodbye Pink Sock uniform: an I Love NY shirt and X-Rated medallion to recognize the future of both pink sockers. Brandon continues to heroically defend his beer pong doubles table while also playing Guitar Hero (also unheroically knocks over own cup with Guitar Hero controller)!

Nate Bites Steve’s nipple on camera (10 pts)
Steve Refers to Cassie as Mrs. Killiam for remainder of party, After being bitten, locks Nate out of party (20 pts)
Toine Oggles Cassie’s friend in front of everyone, then takes unsubtle picture of her, then falls asleep in my computer chair in my room (20 pts)

12:00 – 2:00am
Andrew, Allison, and Greg say adieu. Though beer pong starts to wind down, Guitar Hero is going strong, being passed around from player to player (and in the case of Steve, gayer).

Nate After being let back in, chases Stever around doubles table, Depantsed by Steve, he sits half naked for entire beer pong game. Sometime during this point he leaves unnoticed (10 pts)
Steve Plays a lot of Guitar Hero terribly (1 pt)
Toine Though still a solid contender for MVP, takes himself out of contention by falling asleep on couch in the middle of Guitar Hero group (0 pts)

2:00am – 3:00am
I finally get tired and decide to go pass out. Everyone else leaves except for Brittany and Stever. Brandon cries himself to sleep thinking about poker.

Nate Nate still has not been heard from. He was visibly drunk when he left saying he had to “call someone.” Conjecture as to his whereabouts/cause of death begin (5 pts)
Steve Plays Guitar Hero for remainder of night/day. Gets 2 hours of sleep and then gets up to go help move furniture (5 pts)
Toine Brief flirtation with more points as picture of Brandon’s ass dangling above his sleeping face is taken. Leaves to get up early to work (5 pts)

1:00pm the next day
Just when it appears that Stever has won the MVP crown with a solid, though quiet, 68 points …

Nate Brandon wakes up to an IM from Nate describing how he’s not dead, that instead he went to his car to “charge his phone” and woke up in Centreville (20 pts)


Nate 85
Steve 68
Toine 65



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  • Thursday, June 29th, 2006 at 14:38 | #1

    As MVP I would like to thank a few people. First I would like to thank the Mr. Sanders for his amazing famous bowls, Toine for being such a girl about taking a crotch shot, Jesus for inventing Beer Pong, Brandon and Stan for perfecting it, and Steve for not being able to hold on to those last few MVP votes.

parachute pong and the toga party

I’ve got such a backlog of blog entries I must get to, so be prepared for some cleaning here. First up is Toine’s birthday party and Andrew Edwards’ toga party. For another take on this night, read SteverOnline 6/21/2006.

Two weekends ago heralded the 26th year humankind has been blessed with Sir Doh’s presence. In appreciation for all he has done (including all scintilating 11 episodes of his blog!!!!!), Steve and I planned a bit of a doh day on Saturday.

The original plan was Anthony would come over after work and he, Steve, and I would play some basketball. Now, I know it’s only a natural mistake, but I was still a little annoyed that Steve thought this meant for him to go eat dinner. This meant instead of getting warmed up, Toine and I had to sit and watch Steve eat for 20 minutes. When the last nugget was finally downed, we left for the court where we played Horse (though we spelled Togas in preparation of the night to come) and Crappy (a basketball game that neatly removes skill from the equation for success). Some of the more interesting Horse moves were the “around-the-world” (hitting a basket on all 7 baskets on this court in a given time) and “jungle juice” (first maneuvering through an elementary jungle gym and then sinking a basket in a given time). It is also of worth to mention that Toine performed all of his basketball duties sans shirt and in sandals!!!

When we were fully spent, we trekked back to the Pink Sock and took showers (yes, sadly, three separate ones). Allison Reip (though soon-to-be Xanthopoulos) showed up and we got the pong underway.

Now Toine had been discussing his desire to skydive for his birthday for a couple of days, but didn’t get around to it, so we decided to surprise him and incorporate into our beer pong game. We taped floss around the two balls and tied the two ends to plastic grocery bags. They worked great (see picture) but proved extremely challenging to throw since you had to overcome the drag by hurling the bag and not the ball. Toine, appropriately, made the first shot and we went back to regular ball throwing.

Cassie showed up while we finished up pongage, and then we donned some togas for Andrew C. Edwards’ animal house-party. Yes, Andrew apparently did, indeed, survive our last encounter and invited us to his Clarendon house. Let me think how best to describe this establishment … “frat house.” It was great. We only had two sheets between the four of us who were going (Allison had to leave) so I wore my Dirk-faced shirt (ever seen it ??????????) and Steve was garbbed in his White Ranger outfit (t-shirt, khaki shorts, white socks, white shoes).

After a little trouble finding the place, we finally arrived to Casa de Edwards. Unfortunately, the party seemed to have already departed. Apparently the cops had already been called due to the noise and everyone who remained was half way towards passing out. Still, it was good to see Andrew in a (more) conscious state than our previous encounter. We did our duty and drank the last few sips of beer from the keg, took pictures of some girl passed out on the sidewalk, and headed out …

… for Mario’s pizza! Perfect end to a drunken night.



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andrew edwards, please

It was a reunion from beginning to end Saturday. From the summer of 2001 to the fall of 2003, Andrew C. Edwards was my roommate – first starting in the unheralded Mario Party 3-playing days in 1036b South View to the beer pong-drenched nights of 736i Sunchase. From random, substitute roommate to close friend and partner in Jeff C[removed] torment and everything in between!

I got an IM late in the afternoon from Mr. Edwards seeking a meeting at ol’ Dremos – a place I hadn’t been to in forever. I had been thinking of inviting Andrew over recently, myself, since we had picked up the beer pong habit again, and I marvelled at the synchronicity. Stever, Cassie and I arrived at the scene kind of late (due to some much needed ponging as Dremos no longer supports this crime), but I easily picked out my old drinking buddy amidst the throngs of imbibers. We shared some pitchers, talked some shit, and played some shuffleboard (????). Then, dispensing with the bullshit, we went back to the pink sock and got some pong on!

I will not lie … though highly inebriated, Andrew beat me (the current win percentage leader) on my own, home table! Luckily, I consider it an even draw in the more competitive battle for highest BAC ‘tween the two of us. Stever was up next and easily took down Badabing (as videos from Cassie’s digital camera clearly show – so hot … I must have one of these soon)! Post-pong we decided to grab some McDonalds – a move clearly not made in the soberest of minds as Andrew puked out of the car while at the pick up window, and I ordered (and proceeded to devour) 20 nuggets after drinking heavily all night. Thankfully, I then proceeded to forget everything that I did (including all 20 of those treats)!

The night ends in mystery. I suddenly come to early the next day, thankfully in my own bed (perhaps once again to the saving, sober hands of Brandon and Cassie), and walk out into the destruction zone to survey the damage. Stever is on the pullout bed (when will he ever learn how to properly turn off the lights), but Andrew is long gone. The only remains of him even existing in the Pink Sock is one of my towels, balled up in a corner of the bathroom. It wasn’t until later that day when Brandon was able to fill in the blanks (see blog picture).

Here’s to another (sorta) memorable night with Mr. Andrew Edwards … and hoping he made it home safely. Somehow.

Today’s blog is taken from the days of 736i. When Andrew’s dad would call and I picked up, he would always say in a very business tone … “Andrew Edwards, please.”



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  • Monday, April 24th, 2006 at 13:47 | #1

    I guess you don’t remember giving Andrew directions to the bathroom earlier in the night?

    As he is passed out on the little couch (love seat if you will) – andrew suddenly awoke quite alarmed. As he jumped up (looking very confused and worried) he ran straight into the ironing board, then looked onward toward the dining room/kitchen direction. Stan to the rescue yells, “Left!” (mr. edwards turns and runs left toward the hall containing 4 doors) Then St. Anus yells, “Right!”, “Straight!” – as Andrew flung himself into the bathroom to finish what he started at McDanus. (Good thing he chose the correct door as 2 were bedrooms, 1 closet, and 1 bathroom!) He didn’t leave that bathroom for hours.

  • Stever
    Monday, April 24th, 2006 at 13:47 | #2

    I don’t remember 1) brandon’s comment 2) pulling out the couch bed 3) stripping down to my boxers
    so obviously i also forgot to turn the lights out

  • Monday, April 24th, 2006 at 13:48 | #3

    What I meant was that you always turn the lights off incorrectly when you stay over. Instead of flipping the light switch next to the entrance, you turn off the lights individually. This is obviously of the utmost importance or I would not be wasting a blog comment here!!!!!

  • toine..sir dohalot
    Friday, April 28th, 2006 at 13:48 | #4

    ok we all sy that the dohblog is the best when it cmes out with a new blog but for stan this has to be the best blog ever!! i was laughing though it all..good times

weekend brings beer pong, beer pong brings revelations

You might think that beer pong is little more than a stupid diversion worth 5 minutes of entertainment that is only performed as an excuse for binge drinking. You might be right. Then, again, this weekend’s beer pong fest produced uncanny surprises!


Surprise 1: A Sirius Encounter Thursday night, Steve, Toine, and Allison arrived for some mid-week pong. Steve, finding some time on his hands recently (this is an umemployment joke, folks), set up my Sirius subscription for me so I am happy to say I am back in the arms of Howard Stern. Really, just listening to that sweet baritone again has me all aflutter. Weekday mornings will now be scream- and boring-non-basketball-free (jabs at Elliot in the Morning and the Sports Junkies, respectively).

The only real pongage highlight of the night consisted of me death cupping, and thus defeating, Toine with the third throw of a game! This resulted in a skunked game (where a person wins without his or her opponent scoring a single cup), which, according to house rules, involves a command that cannot be refused. I was easy on Toine and told him he had to run around in the parking lot topless, with Steve following as cameraman. Toine manned up and performed his “punishment,” so much respect for the doh! Speaking of house rules, Steve and I got into a heated debate over an unexplained rule, but things finally cooled down and play continued.

Suprise 2: A Serious Engagement Though mid-week pongery is great fun, it sometimes results in bad decisions and this episode was no different. Unfortunately, I played a night-high 13 games and woke up Friday a bit on the blue side. I found my inner-courage to get through the day and … play more beer pong that night! Stever and Toine showed up again as did Allison but this time there was something different about her. Yes, she was sporting some extra bling! Apparently, right before coming over, her boyfriend Greg X popped the question and Allison said yes. Congrats again to the first engaged beer ponging couple I know! (Steve and Toine … when will you gentlemen be the second?)

Surprise 2: A Serious Showdown Although many guests were over and much pongage was taking place, I paced myself. And not for the fact that I had played an absurd 13 games the previous night. Nay! There was an NBA war being waged in the heart of Texas! In case you don’t know (and haven’t read any of my previous blogs), it is an incredible dog fight for these last few games of the regular season between the awe-inspiring Mavericks and the foul-smelling Spurs to see who will get 1st seed in the Western Conference and who will be relegated to 4th! In one of the most emotional and physical games I’ve seen all year, the good guys managed to take the win behind Herr Nowitzki’s MVP-worthy performance. Though the Spurs are still 1 game ahead in the standings, because of this game, should the two teams tie, the tie-breaker will go to the Mavs. Huzzah!

Old School Entertainment
Ok, this is weird. But cool. I promise. Back in the 9th and 10th grade (1995-1996, for those of you counting), I occaisionally would play laser tag with my group at the Ultrazone in Bailey’s Crossroads. Man, this was back when I was hanging out with Patrick McNair and Dave Algoso all the time (pre-band … for any of you who knows us). I can recall hitching rides up there – as none of us were old enough to drive – spending $7 a game (an exorbitant price for 14-year olds) and then hacky-sacking outside while waiting for rides home. It was a lot of fun.

Well, the Ultrazone still exists (even though I thought the laser tag craze was way over) and now offers $11 for all you can play from 8pm-1am on Fridays and Saturdays. It was too good of an offer to pass up. I went with some coworkers and, even though it appeared the same on the outside, I hardly recognized the place when I set foot inside. Obviously, they had expanded the area to include party rooms and accomadate some larger video games. However, when I finally got into the “briefing room” (where they give you all the no-fun rules of no running, etc) I totally took a trip back in time! The stadium seating was the same, and so was the miniature replica of the play area they used in their rule presentation. When I finally got into the game room, it too had remained unchanged and I remembered all of my secret spots. I gotta admit that it was more fun than I anticiapted and look forward to going again sometime (and maybe trying it drunk … what can I say I’m an alcoholic).

Wow you’ve made it this far. Your prize is I won’t bore you with Metal Gear Solid 3 details, because that’s about all I did the whole day (ok, that and the even more exciting laundry)! L8r



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  • Monday, April 10th, 2006 at 15:36 | #1

    This just in! The last day of Stanus does Dallas has been added. Go check it out, bitches (but be warned as it describes an uneventful half day spent only travelling back to Northern Virginia).

  • Monday, April 10th, 2006 at 15:37 | #2

    you did do something else on sunday night! (although I think this blog was written before the event occurred) – you played 4 more games of beer pong and lost all of them!

  • Monday, April 10th, 2006 at 15:38 | #3

    Perhaps this is why it seems all of my blogs are skewed too far to the pro-Stan side of stories: I leave it up to my roommate (and life partner), Brandon, to bring me back down to reality. On a completely unrelated note, Brandon went for a combined 1-9 on Thursday and Friday nights.