Fuck 2009 [Part 2]

Kenny Kramer and a bunch of Seinfeld, Seinsmelled contributors

Photo @ 2010 Brandon Jones

Ugh … I’m really hating this layout. I’m working on a completely homemade, new one. It’ll be pretty sparse so hopefully I can get it implemented soon because this piece of crap is actually making me want to blog less. UPDATE (TO MYSELF: I’ve already changed it.

Anyway, to continue where I left off, it was January 1st. I was in a fitful sleep when I was suddenly awoken out of a serious, New Years Eve/Jeff C[removed]-induced hangover by my phone. Picking it up revealed that my brother, Captain of the U.S.S. SteverOnline, was on the other end! It turns out that he had just been denied access to his Bolt Bus transportation into the city because he “looked like someone who had assaulted a lady on a previous bus.” I’m sure everyone can see the joke coming as Steve is my identical twin.

Well, he asked if I had ever done such a deed. Normally, I might have been a little pissed that he’d even consider this reprehensible behavior to actually have been perpetrated by me – except I had just survived the wildest/stupidest two weeks of drinking since perhaps my last college spring break. So, when he asked if I had anything to do with it I, too, paused for about half a minute to make sure. Luckily, my brain kicked my ass with the realization that 1) I would never do such a thing 2) I would never drink on a 4-hour bus trip (think of the sickness!!) and 3) I’d never had a female bus driver from this company (it was a woman driver who was banning Stever from boarding). The situation totally sucked balls, but Stever and his lady in wait, Brandon, snuck aboard the next bus half an hour later and managed to get into the city without further incident.

They arrived at my doorstep around 7 in the PM and were instantly introduced to the dainty, little princess that is Gatito. She ran into a corner and started growling and hissing and generally annoying everyone. Finally she ran into the bedroom where she remained for the rest of the weekend (except for the celebrated bathroom standoff the next morning). This was her first weekend with people and I’m actually happy to say she’s gotten 100% better. We had people over the next two weekends in a row and she came out and interacted with everyone. Maybe she just has a thing against the Stever-Brandon tag team.

Speaking of which, I also realized that Stever must have been mistaken for someone completely different than either of us as he was sporting a 2-week old beard! Anyway, after spending way too long deciding on where to eat (apparently one of my lesser enjoyed habits), we decided on Doc Watson’s bar/restaurant. It was … ok. It was really cramped inside and the atmosphere was “bring your older relatives for a zany time!” Then we went home and watched 4 Dexters in a row … wow, what an addicting, great show.

We got up butt-early the next day and trekked through the insane winds over to the Producer’s Club Theater, located just outside of Times Square. We walked up a flight of stairs into a small bar, randomly decorated with classic album covers, and found just five people ahead of us waiting for the tour. As the room began to fill with more and more tourists, suddenly there was an electricity felt … a presence! That’s when J.M. C[removed], himself, entered the room! With tiny, purple JMU gloves on! Stever rejoiced.

The room finally filled up to about 40 people and we were ushered into another, small room – this one vaguely resembling the one in the opening, stand up scenes in Seinfeld. The man who had led us there said a few, terrible, warm up jokes and I suddenly became frightened that we weren’t going to see Kenny Kramer at all. But, just as his counterpart Jeff C[removed] had, the real Kramer lit up the room upon entry! He told a few jokes, reminisced about his friendship with Larry David and the inception of the show, and then we were on our way!

… to his store! I bought a George Costanza shirt and got Kramer to sign it and we all got a picture with the man, himself. Then we boarded the bus (we were in the absolute last two rows) and proceeded to be shown a bunch of places that were no longer in existence. Yes, Kramer has been doing this tour for 14 years and the average turnover in New York City is about 3, so everything has changed except for a handful of places. Still, the stories he told were great and I loved the experience of “living” the show. We stopped outside of Tom’s Restaurant and all got pictures with Kramer (including one, giant one featuring everyone on the tour) and then arrived back at the Producer’s Club. Kramer even gave Brandon and I free tickets to a comedy club that we ended up using the next night.

Stever’s bus was leaving soon after we got back, and Jeff was eager to head out as well, but none of us wanted the good times to end so we ate at … Chevy’s right in Time’s Square. Whatever, New Yorkers. I care not about where I eat, even if it’s a tourist trap franchise establishment!

To close, if you’re as big a Seinfeld fan as I am and you’re in the New York area I’d highly recommend you going to see the Kramer Tour. It’s not going to be the greatest show on earth, but it’s a great look behind the Hollywood curtain at some of the background of the beginnings of this superior TV series. But it’s not something like the Brooklyn Bridge or Times Square where you can continue to take visitors to … once is enough.

Current Mood: Starting To Feel Sick emoticon Starting To Feel Sick

  • Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 at 14:09 | #1

    Testing that comments work 🙁

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